| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | maria mena - fragile |
I've been taught to hold back the tears.
I feel like I can't be the kind of person everyone expects me to be right now. I can't pretend to be something I'm not. And I'm not happy lately, so I'm not going to act like it. I'm pretty depressed. And its not like I'm going to bring anyone else down with me, I keep to myself. I don't expect anyone else to do anything, its no one else's responsibility. But when I don't feel like partying anymore, don't give me shit. I don't know, its like I want people to love me and want me around, but I don't want to be forced. I'll hang out when I feel up to it and if I don't want to, respect it. I'm a hypocrite, I'm not fun and I say all the wrong things. I'm always out-numbered, no one ever agrees with me. I just want someone to be on my side. Its like I can't be around anyone right now, its too difficult. Social interaction has always been somewhat of a problem for me, but not usually like this. This is like, extreme. I can't handle more than a few people at a time or I get nervous or sad or really sensitive. I never feel like I fit in, ever ever ever. I feel like I'm unwanted, a total wallflower. So why even subject myself to that? 2008 might be the year I become a recluse.
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sayrenee) wrote,
